As a brazilian sugaring specialist, I hear a lot of apologies. “I’m so sorry, my hair is so long” or “I’m so sorry I just had a baby” or “I’m so sorry I haven’t been in a while, it’s a jungle down there…” Different variations of the same apology since the very first day I started working in the beauty industry. And once I observed it in the room with my clients, I began to notice it everywhere else.
Listen, I am guilty of this too. As women, we are conditioned to say please and thank you, to be polite, to not interrupt, and to not make anyone else uncomfortable. (Usually at the expense of our own comfort.) We watch our mothers and role models apologize incessantly. We’re sorry for wearing tennis shoes instead of heels, we’re sorry for not wearing makeup and not looking “presentable.” We apologize when people bump into us, and when we walk into a room and when we walk out of a room…it’s exhausting! When did we have to start apologizing for existing?
Can you imagine a man walking into the room and doing that? “Oh I’m so sorry my feet smell”- they would never. So why do we?
Because you were born with the hair on your body, or with a certain skin tone, or have a certain skin type? Because you literally didn’t have time to put makeup on? Because you’re pregnant and can’t see your vagina? Because you are a new mom and didn’t have time to brush your hair? It’s ridiculous!
Ladies please - your anatomy does not need a warning sign and caution tape. That’s the way you were born! Although it may be tempting, please don't ever feel the need to apologize for your anatomy - not to your partner - not to your waxer. Your hairy butthole keeps us in business! Instead of saying sorry you should be saying “you are welcome.” We are grateful you chose US to tame your glorious bush! If you want to rock your bush, I am into that too! As a practitioner in the beauty industry, I believe we are responsible for boosting the confidence of every one of our clients. Making other women look and feel beautiful is a privilege and we should all be conscious of the way that we are interacting with our clients, particularly when completing services that require extreme vulnerability. And by the way, your partner should make you feel just as confident and amazing!
Here’s is the thing- the way we speak is contagious. We pick up social cues and language from the people around us like a virus. We infect others with our over-apologizing and insecurities. The amount of times a video on Tik Tok or Youtube begins with a disclaimer - “I’m so sorry about my nails/hair/pimple…” Now that you are aware of it, really start to notice. It’s important that we point it out to each other like a bad habit that needs to be broken. Any client of mine knows that they don’t apologize to me, I won’t even let them finish their sentence. We can’t keep apologizing for showing up in the world the way we were born!
So, when should you apologize? My opinion - never. Just kidding. When we do something wrong, we should apologize. Period. Not when we have to say no to someone, or because we look a certain way, or for having priorities…And this doesn’t mean that we can’t be kind! It just means using our words a little more wisely. Being confident is contagious too and we can start to raise a more unapologetic generation of awesome young women by setting a standard of owning our natural, incredible, ever-changing state, no matter what that state is!